Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
