she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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