Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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