please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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