1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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