Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
