Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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