the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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