we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
