Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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