the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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