The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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