Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
