the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
