i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize