he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
