My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
