and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
