He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can you repeat that, but with context?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
