took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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