some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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