Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
