how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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