You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
