btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
