Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
