so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize