You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
