Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
