alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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