Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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