$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
