I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
