I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
