just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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