Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
