I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
