Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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