Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were destined to go to rehab together
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
