There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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