Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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