Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize