remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
