I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
