Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
