Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
