but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
