dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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