highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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