I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
