omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
