Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
