wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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