if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
