My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we're making bets on your personal life
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
