you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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