I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have aggressive nipples.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
