Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
