What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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