I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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