i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
