It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
