Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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