well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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