So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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