Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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