I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
