I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize