god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
